hey oldest children, look at me. I see you. I see your pain and your grief. I know it hits but we’ve survived this much, just a little more okay
all eldest daughters go insane around the holidays. we just do
i'm like if a super rebellious, stubborn girl was forced to be a people-pleasing eldest daughter
I'm so tired of seeing things from my mother's point of view when she never attempts to understand mine.
being the eldest daughter is so draining. parents holding you to higher emotional standards than the ones they hold themselves to. than the ones they hold anyone else to. always being so underappreciated for how you've raised so many people even though you're still a child. wanting to get away. wanting to stay for the sake of your siblings because they need you. feeling kinship to your mother for being underappreciated and overworked but wondering why it always has to be you to break the cycle. feeling like you're the parent and being painfully reminded that you're not when you go unnoticed again. wondering if what you want even matters, since no one seems to care about it. learning how to rely on yourself. learning how to prioritise yourself and feeling guilty for it because you don't know anything else. learning how to break cycles again and again and take care of yourself, since no one else is going to do it for you
having 'mommy issues' with a present mom is so weird because like.
i love the idea of having a mom. we never get along. i fucked up because you hurt me. stop being my mom, please. i don't want to hate you. i don't think i hate you. i love you. i'm glad you're alive. leave me alone. i hate you. i'm sorry i messed up. you deserve better than me. i want a better mom. i don't deserve a better mom. i know it isn't your fault. you're just as hurt as i am. please stop. i can't be in the same room as you. i'm glad you're there. it's not the same. i want to leave. this is home. the chaos feelings like home. i want a mom. i'm sorry i tried standing up for myself. you were right. please change your ways. be kinder to me. i should be nicer to you. stop this. don't. please leave. don't go. i want a mom. i'm glad you're here. i wish you were present in my life more. don't get in my life now. i don't need you. i can't do this without you. i'm sorry. please forgive me. i did nothing wrong. it's not your fault either. i want to escape this. i don't want to leave. i'm tied to this burning tree. you lit it on fire. but you've been tied before me.
Parents when their eldest daughter shows any form of human emotion:
Parents when their eldest daughter struggles showing emotions because they emotionally repressed her:
Parents when their eldest daughter:
I actually think eldest daughters should be allowed at least one instance in their entire lives to just completely lose their shit
Being the “eldest daughter” is nauseating and I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone
—mothers
ijeoma umebinyuo // hyatt moore // class of 2013 by mitski // i, tonya (2017) // ? // gustav klimt // ? // lady bird (2017) // i remain in darkness by annie ernaux
gallagher-milkovich
